Hiding

>> Thursday, May 10, 2012

I've been hiding out again.
Work has been a bit stressful and I haven't been very motivated to share much.
In all honesty, I actually got stressed out about how much I have shared on here.  Over the years, I had developed a tendancy to keep things to myself and didn't like people prying into my life.  Makes no sense being a blogger and all, but blogging was supposed to be my way of letting others in, learning that it's ok to let people see every side of you, even the damaged ones.  This was supposed to help me be comfortable being me and instead I'm freaking out.  I contemplated deleting the blog, making it private...and then I decided to just forget I had one for a few weeks which seems to have turned into months.
So, where have I been and what have I been doing?

I guess I've been here, dealing with normal (and not so normal) life stuff.
Taking care of the kids
Taking care of my mother when she broke her wrist (long story)
Working and trying to remain sane,
which I can say that my kids have done a fabulous job of helping me do.  They kept me alive and alert..more than you could ever know.  They pulled me out of the dark places I was wanting desperately to go to and have kept me motivated...to just be.  I mean, look at them, how could you not love those faces??






I never realized how grounded my kids kept me.  I always thought they just kept me on the line of sanity and insanity.  I never thought kids would be part of my life but I am so glad that they are.

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Dear Jesus

Jesus, my Savior and Friend,

I wanted to chat and let you know where I've been.  Been working on finding my joy, being the person I should: the good mother, good friend, good follower.  I've struggled, I've stumbled, fallen flat on my face but I've met some wonderful people along the way.  They've picked me up and helped me out, helped me understand what these tumbles are all about.  I've caught sight of you in all their faces and it brings me such joy to know that you are still there with me, every step of the way.  I know I will continue to stumble, I will fight against the things you want from me, and I want to go ahead and apologize, but I am so happy to know that you are there for me and I just wanted to thank you.

Love,
Me

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