What in the world was I thinking?
I had another job lined up, one that was closer to home, with less stress and less responsibility.
Yet I stayed.
December, 2010 I tried to quit my job. I tried to quit after months of enduring some of the worse stress I've ever managed to endure. Things had gotten so stressful for me at work, that I would go to the bathroom at work just to cry. I would come home from work and completely ignore my kids, unless it was to yell at them. It got so bad that my doctor put me on two medications to help me manage to get through the day.
Yet I stayed.
My boss seemed shocked that I wanted to leave, though she had to have known it was coming. It was obvious that I was fed up with everyone. She asked me to reconsider and even offered me more money to stay. And I did.
I can't say that the money didn't factor into my staying, but it was more than that. It was that she actually wanted me to stay. It gave me confirmation that I was doing my job and that I was a valued employee, something I was questioning.
The following month after deciding to stay, I started attending church - something I never thought I'd do again (a long story for another day). But, there was Gordon that day at the coffee shop, probably the forth or fifth preacher to have asked me to come to his church and the timing couldn't have been better - I was finally ready for it. I came to fully embrace my Christianity and it has shown at work. My co-workers have noticed this change in me too.
And that is why I stayed...or so I guess. They have seen changes in me and some have even asked questions that have started meaningful conversations. Some teasing from a co-worker about my new "Christian cult" followed by reactions from myself that have shown me the strength I have in my faith. Feeling the joy of not letting my anger overtake me and turning the other cheek only to have it be followed by an apology and a hug by the offender. Opportunities to discuss with co-workers the importance of forgiving (though I am definitely not perfect here) and having them listen without them feeling like I am lecturing, judging, or preaching to them. And I've had the pleasure of seeing relationships slowly repairing themselves following forgiving.
I feel blessed that God has given my a chance to see all his grace working around me. I am so grateful that God gave me this place, this real life, uncontrolled workplace, to grow my faith even stronger.
Graceful: Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday