Thankfulness

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” 
— Thornton Wilder

I always find it difficult to jot down the things I am thankful for. It always ends up feeling so obvious and phony. I mean, of course I am going to say that I am grateful for my kids, my home, health, job... but what does it really mean to me? Why am I grateful for these things? Am I really grateful for them? Let's be real - it's difficult raising 2 children on your own, taking care of a home can be financially burdensome on one income, and it's disheartening feeling stuck in a job that does not fulfill me.

I've always been one to be complacent with my circumstances because I always thought, "well, it could be worse. I could be homeless, unemployed or alone", but how honest am I being? Life is not always easy, in fact, I'd say it's rarely easy.  My circumstances are not what I expected.  I promised myself that I would never be a single mother, I thought for sure that I would make the right decision when I got married, but somethings are just out of our control.  And now, my life has gotten off of the path I thought I had it on, the one that I thought I was in control of. That is just fine with me because I am truly thankful for those things I said.

I am thankful for my children -
they make me smile when I am angry
they remind me that it's OK to be silly, irresponsible, and immature sometimes
their simple way of thinking helps me to slow down and enjoy the moment

My home -
It's my place to make memories
It's my security blanket
It's my place to relax and be completely me

My job -
allows me to provide for my family
allows me to take care of my necessities and have extra for that other pair of shoes
Provides enough income that I only have to work one job
Gives me flexible hours to allow me to take care of my family

Lately though, I am mostly thankful for:

My eyes being opened and my soul reawakened
For the resurgence I feel in my faith
For the hope this all has given me.